Best Quotes in ‘Chuck’

Photo: Summer Tan/Creative Commons Flickr/License CC by 2.0)

You’ve probably seen him in Shazam!, but Zachary Levi’s role as the electrifying superhero will come as no surprise if you’re familiar with his charming character as CIA-NSA geek-turned-spy in NBC’s Chuck. In the well-written (and cast) show, Levi plays Chuck, a kind-hearted computer wiz who, as it turns out, gets a computer full of government secrets embedded into his brain. This system, known as The Intersect, makes Chuck an asset to the U.S. government. Each episode features Chuck being faced with the dilemma of balancing his life as a normal guy living in Burbank, Calif. and being a real hero. Get on board with a show that introduces coolness to nerdism with these quotes from Chuck (2007–2012), the series in which phrases like “Awesome,” “Don’t freak out,” “Pineapple” and “Are you coming to the toga party?” mean so much more.

Season 1

S1, E1

“Working on my five-year plan; I just need to choose a font.”

-Chuck, to his sister’s questioning friends at his birthday party he knows no one at

S1, E1

“…We’ll be back up and running in five minutes.”

-Chuck, to Harry (C.S. Lee), his annoying and competitive fellow employee at the Buy More

“Five minutes? Do you know what five minutes means in Buy More dollars?”

-Harry

“I didn’t realize we had our own currency.”

-Chuck

S1, E1

“What if you were the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchakus?”

-Jeff (Scott Krinsky), a spacey fellow Nerd Herder at the Buy More reacting to a break in at Chuck and Ellie’s apartment

S1, E1

“I break things, I don’t fix them.”

-A tough NSA assassin, Agent Casey (Adam Baldwin) to Chuck

S1, E3

“You mean, existentially? Like fulfillment, inner peace, that kind of thing? Or are we talking more practically? Like Lakers tickets, personal steam room…”

-Chuck, replying to his manager, Big Mike (Mark Christopher Lawrence), about what is it he wants out of life

S1, E3

“I’m sorry guys. And Anna.”

-Chuck to his team of (mostly male) Nerd Herders about an overnight computer emergency assignment

“ ‘Guys’ is fine, I don’t mind.”

-Anna (Julia Ling), the only female Nerd Herder

“No, it’s not right. We need to come up with something non-gender-specific. How do we feel about Team?”

-Chuck

“Fellow Nerd Herders?”

-Anna

“The Lesters?”

-Lester (Vik Sahay), Jeff’s best pal and Nerd Herder

“Chuck’s Stable of Hos.”

-Jeff

S1, E5

“My four favorite words.”

-Chuck, to Casey telling him to stay in the car during a mission

S1, E6

“Other than being charming and beautiful? No, ma’am.”

-Chuck, to a customer asking if there’s a trick to getting some service at the Buy More

S1, E7

“I just flashed on myself.”

-Chuck having just flashed via the intersect on a photo ID of himself

S1, E7

“Nice job blending in with the crowd. Who are you rooting for, death?”

-Chuck, to Casey while at Stanford on a mission, trying to blend in with the tailgaters

S1, E8

“If everything is awesome, and there is no unawesome, then awesome by definition is just mediocre!”

-Ellie (Sarah Lancaster) on truth serum, to her boyfriend, Devon (Ryan McPartlin), also known as Awesome

A few moments later…

“Chuck, you need a haircut. It’s starting to make funny animal shapes.”

-Ellie

S1, E8

“If I had a blog, this would be a really big day for me. Do my laundry? Check. Save my sister’s life? Check. Save my own life? Final entry.”

-Chuck, feeling exhausted while on a mission

S1, E8

“God, you’re so pretty. And Casey: your jaw was chiseled by Michelangelo himself.”

-Chuck, to Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski), then to Casey whilst on truth serum

S1, E10

“Turn on your heart light, buddy. Let it glow.”

-Morgan (Josh Gomez) telling his best friend, Chuck, to let Sarah in

S1, E10

“Sarah and Casey are right inside. One girlish scream from me and they go into combat mode.”

-Chuck, to Bryce (Mat Bomer), aka his college nemesis

S1, E12

“You know, for the longest time, I always imagined Casey was built like a Ken doll, you know, downstairs.”

-Chuck, confiding in Sarah about Casey’s uptight attitude and love life

S1, E12

“It’s alive!”

-Chuck reacting to Casey showing emotion

S1, E13

“Chuck, I’m almost at the age where I should get my prostate checked out annually, okay? Surely I could be trusted with an advanced copy of the next greatest video game on the planet.”

-Morgan, convincing Chuck to get his hands on a new video game

S1, E13

“I’ve never really fired a gun before, okay? And I’ve actually done this on purpose to avoid any unpleasant side effects like shooting myself or others.”

-Chuck, to Sarah telling him to use a gun

S1, E13

“Look, it was Awesome’s great granny’s ring, and it’s going to be my sister’s, okay? Even if it’s covered in coffee grounds and miscellaneous DNA.”

-Chuck, to Sarah, searching through a dumpster to find Ellie’s engagement ring

Season 2

S2, E1

“…And though I don’t look it — being lanky in build — you should know that I’m probably the most important intelligence asset in the world.”

-Chuck, to Colt (Michael Clarke Duncan) dangling him from a building

S2, E1

“You don’t bring a gun on a real date.”

-Sarah, to Chuck — while being surrounded by enemy agents — asking why she doesn’t have a gun per usual

S2, E1

“Did someone order drive-through?”

-Casey, having just crashed into a restaurant with his car

S2, E2

“Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles.”

-Chuck on his confusing relationship with Sarah

“I doubt that. Morgan is still dating, right?”

-Sarah

S2, E3

“I hate Bryce Larkin.”

-Chuck, having accidentally downloaded the new Intersect, again, thanks to Bryce

S2, E6

“Personally, I’d like another 10–15 minutes of really pathetic self-indulgence, but duty calls.”

-Chuck, to Sarah having asked if he’s done feeling sorry for himself while on a fake date with his ex girlfriend, Jill (Jordana Brewster), for a mission

S2, E7

“You’re pretty nonchalant about your super computer boyfriend trying to browse someone else’s network.”

-Casey to Sarah about Chuck’s reunion with Jill

S2, E7

“Does the word ‘silent’ have a different meaning in geek that I’m not aware of?”

-Casey to Chuck, wanting quiet on a mission

S2, E7

“What does that Charles have over you?”

-Emmett (Tony Hale) suspicious of Chuck

“Um, 23 years of best friendship.”

-Morgan

S2, E8

“I think you should know that my completely rational fear of carnivals has spread to ex-girlfriends.”

-Chuck, to Jill holding him hostage on a trap date

S2, E9

“I’m a little tall for something like this. Is there another seating option, perhaps?”

-Chuck being stuffed into a trunk as hostage

S2, E13

“Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.”

-Chuck using his alias, Charles Carmichael, pretending to seduce his neighbor Sylvia (Jenny McCarthy), who didn’t expect him to stop by so quickly

S2, E15

“Cold and detached is a very powerful aphrodisiac, babe.”

-Devon/Awesome to Ellie while giving dating advice to Chuck

“So is abstinence. You want to try it?”

-Ellie

S2, E18

“If I have to eat an apple a day to keep that doctor away, then bring on the fresh fruit.”

-Chuck, to Casey about a Folcrum doctor

S2, E18

“You two are a match made in a very frightening part of heaven.”

-Chuck, to Agents Casey and Forrest (Tricia Helfer)

S2, E21

“I have very sensitive sinuses.”

-Chuck, to Casey pressing a gun against his nose

S2, E21

“I need you to be…awesome.”

-Chuck to Devon/Awesome

S2, E22

“Thank you for saving my life at least once a week.”

-Chuck to Casey

A few moments later…

“Your fingers better be on fire when you’re dialing.”

-Casey, giving Chuck his card

S2, E22

“Go with your heart, buddy. Our brains only screw things up.”

-Chuck giving advice to Morgan

Season 3

S3, E4

“Duck Hunt. Nintendo.”

-Chuck, to Devon impressed with his aim using a tranquilizer gun

S3, E4

“Yeah, well, bad guys don’t count carbs, buddy.”

-Chuck to Devon/Awesome carrying a tranquilized bad guy

S3, E5

“Your prepubescent girl screams are going to be duly noted.”

-Casey, to Chuck complaining about wanting to be heard as part of the team

S3, E11

“Without a license to kill, you’re a danger to society.”

-Chuck to Casey

S3, E12

“I’m afraid my days of legalized body snatching are over…”

-Casey

S3, E16

“You can die just as easily from a mosquito in Africa as you can from a spy in Burbank.”

-Devon/Awesome to Morgan

S3, E16

“You get Bartowski, I’ll get the little elf.”

-Casey to Sarah, referring to Morgan

S3, E17

“Reviewing pictures of people you’ve killed? I do that myself from time to time.”

-Casey watching Chuck over his shoulder as he scrolls through pictures

S3, E18

“…I think that when one is facing a group of murderers, one should have a plan.”

-Devon/Awesome to Morgan trying to help Chuck

S3, E18

“Two Bartowskis; double the fun.”

-Casey referring to Chuck and Ellie

S3, E18

“Your singing voice is a vocal felony.”

-Big Mike to Lester

Season 4

S4, E1

“No. I either leave or they die.”

-Casey, to Sarah asking if he’s ever been in a long-distance relationship

S4, E2

“Don’t listen to Morgan; he eats cereal with a fork.”

-Chuck to Sarah

S4, E5

“Don’t you worry about a thing. I’m going to eulogize the hell out of you, buddy.”

-Morgan, to Casey pretending to be dead at his funeral for a mission

S4, E8

“I mean, other than the fact that this place is populated with a crowd of international psychopaths, the air is so fresh, and the chocolate? So milky.”

-Chuck on the phone with Sarah about a mission in Switzerland

S4, E8

“Unless you want to become a Chucksicle, I suggest you flash.”

-Agent Rye (Rob Riggle) to Chuck in a freezing vault

S4, E9

“…my large, chiseled, dulce de leche-colored friend.”

-Lester to Devon/Awesome

S4, E10

“Come with me if you want to live.”

-Frost (Linda Hamilton)

S4, E10

“Most people’s moms don’t have to explain to their kids why they shot them, or tied them up and blew up their childhood home.”

-Chuck to his covert mother

S4, E16

“What happened to you two? You smell like vomit and Cherios.”

-Big Mike to Ellie and Devon/Awesome after having a baby

S4, E17

“Your very own Kevin Costner.”

-Chuck, to Vivian (Lauren Cohan) after Sarah says he will be her bodyguard

S4, E19

“I hate being a nemesis. Maybe I should take her out for coffee.”

-Chuck on the latest member of the Intersect team

S4, E19

“I haven’t felt anything in years.”

-Jeff, to Lester reacting to an underground bomb

Season 5

S5, E3

“What’s going on with you? You smell like the Glendale Galleria.”

-Chuck, to a cocky and poignant Morgan

S5, E4

“…selling fine goods to the few people who haven’t discovered Amazon.”

-Big Mike on working at the Buy More

S5, E6

“What do you say, Six-Pack? Are you in?”

-Ellie, to Devon/Awesome during a dinner out, trying to spice things up by role playing as spies

“Well, all right, Hot Mama.”

-Devon/Awesome

S5, E6

“Sometimes, particularly during sports movies. ‘Field of Dreams’ is gut- wrenching but also uplifting.”

-Chuck when asked by a torturer if he cries

S5, E9

“Let the statue-esque man work out in peace.”

-Big Mike referring to Devon/Awesome while scolding Lester and Jeff

SPOILER ALERT:

S5, E15

“Chuck? Tell me our story.”

-Sarah, asking Chuck about their relationship post memory loss

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