Flight of the Conchords

Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, Flight of the Conchords, 2007. Photo by Ian McCarthy (Creative Commons CC by 2.0)

Season 1

S1, E3 “Mugged”

Bret (Bret McKenzie) leaves Jemaine (Jemaine Clement) behind while running away from muggers. Their friendship is strained after Jemaine befriends one of the muggers while spending two nights in jail together. Bret goes through many attempts to apologize and win back Jemaine’s friendship.

Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymnoceros

Think About It

S1, E 7 “Drive By”

This episode features some familiar faces: Taika Waititi and Aziz Ansari. A fruit cart vendor (Ansari) refuses service to Bret and Jemaine because they’re New Zealanders. While sitting in his favorite box sent from home and feeling hurt, Bret decides he wants to take action. Dave (Arj Barker) teaches them how to give the bird.

Albi the Racist Dragon

Motha’uckers

S1, E8 “Girlfriends”

Bret thinks he’s being objectified by a woman he is casually dating (Eliza Coupe) and doesn’t want to seem too easy. Jemaine tries to kindle a relationship with her friend (June Diane Raphael). But when Bret’s date mentions the “unspoken rule,” well, cue “A Kiss Is Not a Contract.”

Foux da Fafa

A Kiss Is Not a Contract

S1, E10 “New Fans”

Murray arranges for the Conchords to bond with their fanbase…Mel (Kristen Schaal). Her night of cooking dinner for them is ruined when Bret and Jemaine invite two new fans to join them. The group ditches Mel for a more private party, where the Conchords are offered acid and a threesome. Not prepared for the night, Bret and Jemaine try to make a run for it out the bathroom window.

Ladies of the World

Prince of Parties

S1, E2 “Bret Gives Up the Dream”

Bret finds a new job as a sign holder when he and Jemaine are broke. He quits the band and tries to impress his new co-worker, Coco (Sutton Foster). Jemaine and Murray (Rhys Darby) miss his presence and want him back.

Inner City Pressure

Boom

S1, S4 “Yoko”

Bret wants to write a song for Coco and asks for Jemaine’s help. Later, Bret wants more alone time with Coco, but Jemaine feels out of the loop. Jemaine and Murray try to remove her from the picture when they fear she’s the band’s Yoko Ono. When Bret catches on, he quits the band…again.

If You’re Into It

Pencils In the Wind (The Tape of Love)

S1, E5 “Sally Returns”

Jemaine and Bret silently compete against one another for the attention of a woman they both dated, Sally (Rachel Blanchard). Per Sally’s advice to Jemaine to get his own place, Jemaine leaves that flat and Bret. Little do they know that Sally is still “shallow” and leading them on.

Business Time

Song for Sally

S1, E1 “Sally”

In the pilot episode, Bret and Jemaine attend their friend Dave’s party. There, Jemaine is struck by Sally’s beauty, singing that she is “beautiful, like a tree…or a high class prostitute.” Their night goes well, but Bret ruins the mood. Murray decides to film the Conchords in a music video on his camera phone.

Robots

Not Crying

S1, E9 “What Goes On Tour”

A woman’s waterpolo team tricks Bret and Jemaine into providing an “autograph” and bill a long drink tab to their room. Murray has enough of the Conchords’ apathetic behavior and curses at them for the first time.

Mermaids

S1, E6 “Bowie”

Murray tries to get the Conchords more fame and a “gig” when the three of them meet with a card manufacturer interested in using the song “Robots” in a card. Bret and Jemaine undergo some self-esteem issues. As a result, Bret starts dreaming about David Bowie visiting him with advice (Bowie is Jemaine). Feeling confident, Bret ends up flashing his junk to the card executive (John Hodgman).

Bret, You Got It Going On

Bowie’s In Space

S1, E11 “The Actor”

Feeling bad that Murray is suffering low self-esteem as band manager, Bret and Jemaine hire an amateur actor who attended a gig to pose as a record label executive. While the instructions are to call Murray and give him a friendly demo rejection, things get out of control when the actor “agrees” to a record deal.

Cheer Up, Murray

Frodo, Don’t Wear the Ring

S1, E12 The Third Conchord

Murray thinks it’s a good idea to add a member to the band: a bongo player (Todd Barry). However, the third Conchord, Bret, and Jemaine have creative differences, causing the formation of a couple new bands with the same and different aesthetics.

Bret’s Angry Dance

Doggy Bounce

Season 2

S2, E2 “The New Cup”

Bret purchases a new mug so he doesn’t need to take tea shifts with Jemaine. However, the $2.79 cup causes a domino effect with other bills. To get their electricity back, Jemaine (very wrongly) explains the plot of “Pretty Woman” to Bret trying to convince him that prostitution is their solution to money problems.

Sugar Lumps

You Don’t Have To Be a Prostitute

S2, E9 “Wingmen”

Bret can’t keep it together to ask out a woman working at a pet shop (Halley Feiffer). Instead, he awkwardly accumulates several goldfish with each attempt. Following what he saw on a sitcom, he asks Jemaine and Dave to guide him through the process over a walkie talkie. When that flops, Bret stages a mugging with Jemaine and their old mugger pal (S1, E3) to appear a tough hero in her presence.

Rambling Through the Avenues of Time

I Told You I Was Freaky

S2, E8 “New Zealand Town”

After Murray suggests using hair gel to acquire a new look, the Conchords get hooked to the product and experience withdrawals when they run out. When the prime minister of New Zealand (Brian Sergent) plans the opening of New Zealand Town, Bret and Jemaine are asked to perform, but there’s a catch: they must maintain their new cool look.

Fashion Is Danger

S2, E3 “The Tough Brets”

After dissing famous rappers in a rap of his own, Bret fears they will come after him and “chop his body off.” To protect himself, he enlists gang members and end up calling themselves the Tough Brets. Meanwhile, Murray is bullied by members of the Australian Consulate and asks Jemaine to accompany him to a mixer event for moral support. Bret ends up kicking a troublesome kid, which is too much violence for the Tough Brets.

Hurt Feelings

Stay Cool

S2, E5 “Unnatural Love”

To improve their musician image, Murray suggests the Conchords go nightclubbing. After a night of dancing and drinking, Jemaine wakes up in bed with a stranger (Sarah Wynter)…all good until he finds out she’s Australian. Jemaine’s commitment to making the relationship work causes tension with Bret and Murray.

Too Many Dicks (On the Dance Floor)

Carol Brown

S2, E4 “Murray Takes It To the Next Level”

Murray tries to step up his relationship with the Conchords to more than just manager: to friends. He uses his friend Jim (Jim Gaffigan) as an example to chart their way to friend territory through new activities like building a fort, having a beer, and venting about their days. But comparing themselves to characters in “Friends” and trying to bond with Jim isn’t enough. This episode also features Bret and Jemaine cookies and a song sung by Mel.

Dreams

Friends

S2, E1 “A Good Opportunity”

Bret and Jemaine try to manage themselves while Murray is facing copyright issues at the record label with the Crazy Dogggz. The Conchords agree to write, record, and star in a female-centered toothpaste commercial. Managing themselves gets complicated when they don’t have passports or valid work visas to finish the job.

Rejected

Femident Toothpaste

Angels

S2, E6 “Love Is the Weapon of Choice”

Bret and Jemaine are attracted to the same woman they meet in the park (Kristen Wiig). They try to impress her by helping her look for her lost, epileptic dog and put together a relief concert.

We’re Both In Love With a Sexy Lady

Love Is a Weapon of Choice

Epileptic Dogs

S2, E7 “Prime Minister”

Murray organizes the New Zealand prime minister’s visit to New York City. His plans to organize a meeting with the president doesn’t work out, causing him to get creative with an impersonator and using Bret as a bodyguard. Jemaine makes some cash as an Art Garfunkel impersonator, catching the attention of a Garfunkel fanatic (Mary Lynn Rajskub). Special appearance by Garfunkel as himself.

Demon Woman

Oh, Dance, Baby

S2, E10 “Evicted”

The Conchords can’t make rent and are evicted. As a result, they bunk with Mel and Doug (David Costabile), getting in the middle of their marital issues and Mel’s longstanding obsession with the band. Murray suggests the Conchords star in a play based on their story in hopes it will be their ticket to fame. Let’s just say it doesn’t end well (FOTC fans miss the show).

Everyday Sounds Musical Montage

Petrov, Yelyena, and Me

Flight of the Conchords: The Broadway Musical

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